A lot has changed in the past month. 2012 was a hard year where I reached my limit of many things and figured out what I could and couldn’t deal with. More importantly, what I wanted to deal with. I learned who my friends were and what work, important or otherwise, it was time to pass along to others.
As of December 1st, I am no longer GeekGirlCon’s president. There are long, complex reasons for this; some which involve things that make me frown and others that involve letting the baby bird fly on its own. I’m still involved in the organization as Director of Marketing. And I think the current reoganization and new leadership will bring a breath of fresh air.
You also may remember that in 2012 I broke off a 5-year relationship (and didn’t tell anyone for 6 months) and had a large redefinition of my job (which I love my new job duties).
That said, as I turned 29 this year, I realized that most of my life goals had been accomplished to one end or another. I’ve:
- Been published in a book (twice, Chicks Dig Comics and Chicks Unravel Time).
- Made a large, activist impact on the world to better it for women and other marginalized groups (GeekGirlCon).
- Helped get a business off the ground and successfully ran it (GeekGirlCon).
- Lived on my own in Seattle and am able to comfortably support myself.
- Work at SEOmoz.
- Love my paying job (SEOmoz).
Those are pretty big things. Maybe some of them I’ll do again, but they’ll probably have a different twist on them and take a different form. For instance, right now, I don’t want to run another businesses, and if anything, I’d want that “business” to be my writing.
I’ve also had those unexpected life changes. You know, the one that sneaks up on you when you’re having fun and looks like love. I started dating Jacob this Thanksgiving — which involves what I’m sure will someday be a hilarious (ironic) tale for me to recount about how I wanted to set him up with my friend Julia and how he broke every rule in my dating book, but that’s another story.
Our lives have rather quickly started converging together, and part of me is worried that we’re becoming one of those couples who doesn’t go anywhere without the other. (Yep, we even work together — see broken rule. But I still want to see you, friends!) In fact, Jacob accompanied me to the holidays to see my family, who already love and adore him. Not that that’s hard to do. And I’ve met his mother, sister, and brother-in-law.
I’ve been called in the past a killer of romance, but I like to think that I’ve just laid out my cards on the table and farted, just for good measure. Jacob and I have discussed life goals, what we wanted, and where we disagree. (He’s an introvert, so if I skip over some of his logic/emotions and reasons behind his life goals, it’s because of that.) We’re both highly invested in making our relationship work long-term, and I’d rather know things that make me pull my hair now, over when they might give me a heart attack later. Or say surprise him that I’m a pansexual polyamorous lady with a girlfriend in England.
My current life goals are somewhat vague and dismembered. I wasn’t able to give the straight up answers that Jacob was. They look a little like this:
- Write more.
- Publish a novel.
- Get healthy and do yoga regularly again.
- Travel and explore life.
- Get a puppy (read: trained, adult dog).
- Retire to a villa in Tuscany with said English girlfriend where I can be the writer-in-residence at her bookstore (and oh, I’d like Jacob to be there too).
- Learn to can. Cook and bake more.
Jacob’s life goals, on the other hand, look like this:
- Learn more about his job, including possibly getting a Master’s degree and learning more computer programming languages.
- Buy a house.
- Get married.
- Have children.
- Run his own business.
I’m told that relationships are full of compromises, and I don’t doubt that ours will be wrought with them. (If you’re wondering which life goal will have the most contention around it, it will be the one labeled “children” as I feel the exact opposite, like an unspoken life goal might be “don’t get pregnant ever or have children” for me. But I figure I’d rather know now what we’re going to fight about.)
When Jacob and I got together, I made a conscious decision to choose love. And as I look to revamp my life goals or move them to 3.0, I have no doubt that they will be largely shaped by that choice of love, about my relationship with Jacob. Don’t get me wrong, my career’s still center-front and a driving force in my life; but some of my goals, they may take the shape of my love for him. The type of love that I have often been too frightened to let guide anything in my life before.