Once Upon a Time 1×05-1×12 TV Reviews

In an effort to catch up my reviews (I wrote them!), I’m posting them in a bit of bulk. How I review: I watch it and live blog. None of the episodes I was spoiled for, and I tend to speculate about what’s going to happen next. Which may or may not come true. And as of today, I haven’t seen anything from Season 2.

Once Upon a Time 1×05 “That Still Small Voice”

Is it fairy tale land or is it a bad Ren Fair? For the first time, I don’t think that I’m as impressed with the fairy tale world.

Oh, Jiminy Cricket, you just want to be a good boy. No mixed messages from your parents about who you want to be or should be. Or if crickets are noisy or not.

Jiminy as a child. A small ginger child.
Jiminy as a child A small ginger child

Yeah, that’s as sexy deputy sheriff’s outfit. Looks like something out of Reno 911. Well that was a symbol of Emma’s power. Or something happening, a crater or giant hole in the ground.

Shiny new badge for the new deputy sheriff.
Shiny new badge for the new deputy sheriff

Oooh, Sheriff hotty pants didn’t tell the Mayor he was hiring Emma.

Could it be more obvious that there’s something under there? The writers at least could’ve played it off as if Regina was actually concerned about Henry falling into a hole and hurting himself.

Somehow I think Regina’s rousing speech about Jiminy making Henry not believe in fairy tales anymore is just making Jiminy believe there’s something to Henry’s thoughts. At least that Regina’s an evil queen.

Jiminy, I think staying with your parents until you’re over 30 and balding is possibly when it’s okay to leave them.

Snow and James are playing hangman. It looks pretty flirty, and there’s some longing. So James is lying to his wife about remembering the family dog?

Rumpelstiltskin seems to be working his way into everyone’s stories. He’s putting on a really bad Italian accent. Is that supposed to be a nod to Jiminy’s Italian origins?

I feel like I’m watching the Gooney’s, and I’m expecting someone to come around the corner and shout “Hey you guys!” Also, Henry, there are reasons why playing in an abandoned mine shaft is a bad idea. I love that’s it’s Jiminy/Archie who’s trapped with Henry, not Emma.

Henry just remember kids say no to abandoned mine shafts are playgrounds

Wow, Jiminy’s life really sucked big time. Turning kid’s parents into puppets and getting yelled at by him. And in fairy tale land, I love how soon the kid accepts that those are really his parents. And when Jiminy’s parents take the dolls, Rumpelstiltskin’s going to turn him into a cricket.

Jiminy's parents.
Jiminys parents pretty much the worst ever
Puppet people
Yep the very worst

Regina actually looks like she’s worried about Henry for perhaps the first time. The mine never opens when you’re only halfway through the episode.

Snow totally did not expect James to confess his feelings for her. Of course, his wife comes to interrupt them. You don’t want another mine shaft opening up.

David, Mary Margaret, and Katherine
Awkward town

Dogs are the smartest ever. I want a puppy, friends.

Dogs are the smartest ever.
Dogs are the smartest ever

Jiminy is definitely seeing himself reflected in Henry: in their relationships with their parents. I do like Henry telling Jiminy that it’s okay to take a little while to figure out who you want to be.

And Regina and Emma just got a little slashy there. Wowzas.

Emmas very determined

Yeah, Archie’s umbrella saved him. Good thing that he invested in a good one. Not a shoddy one from the Dollar Tree like the one’s in my closet.

Arthur and Henry
A little guy bonding time

Emma, your bonding moment with Regina’s now over.

Jiminy finally stood up to Regina.

Wow, the blue fairy is all bosoms. I didn’t see her turning him into a cricket. Oh, I love the ending to this story. It’s so much less horrible than I had expected. I like that. (Though totally interesting that Geppetto’s parents were turned into wooden dolls; and Geppetto gets his wooden boy doll turned into a son.)

The Blue Fairy
The Blue Fairy she grants wishes with her magical boobs I mean fairy dust

Crickets have returned.

Jiminy Cricket
Cricket time

What’s at the bottom of that mind shaft?

Once Upon a Time 1×06 “The Shepherd”

Katherin and David
In this episode David tries to remember who hes supposed to be

The Doctor doesn’t think anything’s weird that David/James still doesn’t remember anything? I mean, most injuries causing memory loss rarely last for every long. (Sorry, soap opera plots.)

David hangs a birdhouse.
Davids just going to put a birdhouse on his missing memories

Ooh, are we going to find out about Regina’s lost love tonight? Regina now has her first friend, Katherine. In 30 years…

Surprise, not surprise, that David/James goes looking for Mary/Snow. Jason – “I think I remember this part of Highlander.” Though I’m pretty fond of the bad guy’s helmet.

James defeats the villain
And the guy with the biggest sword

It’s Lindquist from Angel. Lilah isn’t here to chop off his head for being evil. (Yeah, he’s the caring father here.)

King Midas seems to have solve his problem. Except that a sword of gold is not very good for fighting as it’s a pretty soft metal. Wait…James gets stabbed in the heart.

James is dead.
Oh crap Hes dead Hope theres a spare around
King George cries
King George cries over his fakeson

Figures that Rumpelstiltskin is behind something. Does he just go around switching the kids of the fairy tale land? (The writers really need to give fairy tale land a name. I mean, at least in Fables, it was the Homelands. Give this reviewer an easier time.) Okay, Lindquist is evil. He just sold out Cinderella’s fairy godmother. Twins?!

I thought Storybrooke was supposed to be small? Why does Emma drive everywhere?

So Katherine was married to his twin? Or she could’ve been?

David and Katherine
David and Katherine try to dig up some more memories Like someone elses memories

I rather expected the King to go on his own. But I suppose Rumpelstiltskin would want to make sure he gets the goods from his deal and to shame David/James’ mom.

Who you gonna call Rumpelstiltskin
James and his mom
James and his mom

Regina can’t be the mayor of everyone’s personal life. Though I can almost believe that most of her righteousness comes from being Katherine’s friend.

James sees his reflection
Shiny armor Shiny

The gold sword’s still the wrong idea. Why do they need to slay this dragon so badly? Kingdom deals? Yeah, all the smoking bodies are pretty ominous. Those dudes are all dead. Called it. Apparently, stupid bravery does run in families. Why didn’t the dragon just toast him?

Shouldn’t they close the door? Or you know, go somewhere that everyone else can’t see them? This town already lacks privacy.

Girl talk with your mom is so odd. Will James/David fully take off his ring?

Emma and some awkward girl talk with mom

Of course, Midas turns the dragon’s head into gold. Which is really a super easy solution to taxidermy. Oh, snap, he was looking for a husband for his daughter, who’s Abigail/Katherine. Wow, that’s a silly dress. Lindquist aka King George is EVIL.

Golden Dragon head
The best taxidermy in the world gold touch Easy

It’s stalker Regina! Don’t trust her!

Emma eats a donut.
Tame the doughnut

Too bad that they don’t have their cell phone numbers. David/James totally figures that something’s up. Of course, Mr. Gold is also not the person to ask. Unless Cinderella’s back stealing stuff. Those dolls are fucking creepy. The WINDMILL. It’s evil. Rumpelstiltskin definitely knows they’re not in Never-Never Land anymore.

David's now under the town's spell.
Im under your spell God how could this be Messing with my memories

James’ mom, that’s pretty dramatic to say you can’t ever see your son again. He could like visit you or something.

What’s the point of this flashback? That James/David just isn’t some Prince? That his mom’s ring always means true love? I think it would’ve been way better if Katherine/Abigail was engaged to his twin. I supposed that if Snow and James got back together right away that the show would be moving too quickly along. Which means at some point, he’s going to look at her ring and realize she’s the one.

Cat burglar? Or sneaking out teen? Or Sheriff Graham having sex with Regina?

Sheriff sneaks out of Regina's house
Sheriffs got a secret A sexy secret

Still an ugly dress.

James and Abigail.
Yep ugly dress Abigail deserves something better

Let me guess, the good doctor is going to pick up Snow? He’s kind of icky.

Once Upon a Time 1×07 “The Heart is a Lonely Hunter”

Graham is a darts pro.
Graham is a darts pro Gets all the ladies

Even drunk, the Sheriff is a dart pro. He never misses. Maybe he’s really Hawkeye. “I can’t feel anything when I’m with her.”

He’s totally the wolf. Oh, Fables compares, start your engines now. Poor Graham gets reject by Emma and then goes to Regina. Regina who’s clearly not sure what’s up.

Regina and her palace. Now that's some CGI.
Regina and her palace Now thats some CGI

Interesting that Snow and Regina get along at this point. At the point of her father’s death. Yet Regina seems to blame Snow now… Okay, now it’s different. I wonder when we’re going to find out just what Regina blames Snow for. I love how Regina doesn’t trust her knights to be killers. Knights are wimpy.

Magical Mirror knows what's going on.
Magical Mirror knows whats going on

That’s was horrible CGI deer. Oh, Huntsman, don’t tell Regina your dreams. Yeah, you can’t play the stay game when you’ve always wanted him to go away, Regina.

The Huntsman crying over his kill.
The Huntsman crying over his kill
Regina's not happy. This is not what your special friend's supposed to do post-coital.
Reginas not happy This is not what your special friends supposed to do post coital

Look, it’s the wolf! I love a show with a puppy.

Wolf time. Magical wolf.
Wolf time Magical wolf

Emma has some assumptions. Mary’s seeing the Doctor. This is kind of a funny exchange. In that horrible way. That your mom always tells you the truth, Emma. In that mean mom truth telling way.

Just some girl talk.
Just some girl talk

What the hell is Mr. Gold doing? Sometimes I think Emma should just follow him around. Was someone burying a wolf? Or was Rumpelstiltskin the wolf? I kind of hope that he’s not involved in every tale. It gets a little old.

Mr. Gold's just hanging out in the forest. Like he does.
Mr Golds just hanging out in the forest Like he does

Bar fight over a puppy! This is a little John Snow and Game of Thrones. Which is perfectly fine because I can get behind that.

I want a puppy like that.

“Wolves indeed.” I think that was a come-on. That corset she’s wearing is pretty crazy severe.

Making a deal with the evil queen.
Making a deal with the evil queen

Yay, the Huntsman is the first environmentalist. Win.

Huntsman isn't believing what she's selling. Exept that he does agree in the end.
Huntsman isnt believing what shes selling Exept that he does agree in the end

Graham looks really crazy in this scene. I suppose that’s what they’re going for here. He has a fever, but he’s clearly going to go talk with Henry about how they’re all fairy tales.

Snow is very perceptive. I wish she was more perceptive in Storybrooke. I love her playing with Graham’s uncomfortableness with the armor.

Those abs: good for bullets and pretending to be Batman.
Those abs good for bullets and pretending to be Batman

Regina doesn’t play psychiatrist very well. Emma’s going to really start believing in this fairy tale stuff if she keeps pressing Emma like that.

Called it. The advice of a kid. Oh, I have not missed Henry not being in episodes.

You're kind of screwed when you go to Henry for advice.
Youre kind of screwed when you go to Henry for advice

Okay, now we all want to know what’s in that letter. The Huntsman always cries when he goes to kill his prey or better when he has sympathy for them. And then lets them go.

“You kissed my mom.” Best line this kid has gotten. Henry’s really a downer. His heart’s in her vault, and I wonder where said vault is.

“No, you’re not fine. You just went to a 10-year-old for help.” Too true. And then they see the wolf. Now they’re all starting to believe things.
Oooh, there’s a cemetery in town. Too bad they don’t have Buffy with them. I like how the lighting’s gotten a lot darker. Good thing that Emma has no problems with breaking and entering.

Emma's a little disappointed in Graham.
Emmas a little disappointed in Graham

How much do we want to bet that Regina moved it. That Mr. Gold was burying it in the forest. Or something. But you’d think the wolf would know.

Yes, we are going to get to know what she wrote. And it doesn’t tell us anything new.

Ewww…boxes of hearts.

This does seem like a set from Buffy.

I don’t like love triangle weirdness. Even if there’s other reasons, but I don’t like it being played in the Storybrooke reality. Well, Regina never saw that coming. Oooh, Emma getting all self-righteous. Probably not a good idea. Fighting is never a good idea.

Regina can always tell when someone's in her territory.
Regina can always tell when someones in her territory

Tank tops! I approve of Emma’s clothing.

Yay, we’re going to get to see some of the fairy tale world in Storybrooke! This makes me happy.

Seriously, she’s going to kill him? Not cool, story. So not cool.

Shiny heart. In her hand!
Shiny heart In her hand
At least they get some smoochies. Before he dies.
At least they get some smoochies Before he dies

Once Upon a Time 1×08 “Desperate Souls”

Going to be a sad, sad tale.
Going to be a sad sad tale

I take it we’re having a tale about how Rumpelstiltskin got to be such a jerk. Apparently, the Ogre Wars include making young girls soldiers (and perhaps sex toys). Yeah, I noticed that rape reference there.

We just confirmed that the Sheriff is definitely dead. Interesting that Rumpelstiltskin would offer Emma his stuff. Now we figured out what Rumpelstiltskin’s thing with children is. Hopefully, there’s more to this episode than his missing child.

Emma's definitely not okay with this plot.
Emmas definitely not okay with this plot

I’m glad that they’re talking about how Henry feels bad about Graham and like it’s partially his fault that he’s dead.

Henry and his castle of shame.
Henry and his castle of shame

Oh, Regina firing Emma and making another power play.

Sheriff star is on the table.
Sheriff star is on the table

I approve of Sonic Youth rage. Maybe not breaking toasters. Those tend to be helpful.

And then there was drinking.
And then there was drinking

Interesting that Mr. Gold considers himself Regina’s enemy. Town charters always come back to bite you in the butt.

Seriously, if there’s a big war on, why are these soldiers wasting their time chasing down villagers on the road? This seems to be the reason why they’re losing this war. Maybe they should’ve spent less time blaming Rumpelstiltskin for their war problems.

They make an attempt to run away.
They make an attempt to run away

Yeah, anytime the villain wants you to kiss his boot, you’re going to get kicked in the face. That’s pretty standard. Let me guess, the random beggar is actually the magic wizard guy we saw earlier.

I love we’re seeing Sidney Glass (the Magic Mirror) through a mirror and cameras (which were originally made with mirror-like technology). It’s even election season on Once Upon a Time. Ooh, this is a really great excuse for her to meet more people in the town.

Regina's office is super amazing set decorations here.
Reginas office super amazing set decorations here

Somehow I think this dagger is not good. There’s some kind of Catch-22 here, which probably involves still losing his son, which creates his life-long obsession with children.

Yep, there's some trickery going on.
Yep theres some trickery going on

So is Mr. Gold going to find a loophole for Emma to be Henry’s legal mom again? I hope it’s not that obvious.

Trying to out evil each other. I think this might backfire.
Trying to out evil each other I think this might backfire

At least Henry caught onto Mr. Gold being evil. And no, Henry wouldn’t have access to sealed legal records.

Why can we see Red's mid-drift when everyone else is wearing scarves and jackets for New England wintertime?
Why can we see Reds mid drift when everyone else is wearing scarves and jackets for New England wintertime

Fighting fire with an explosion. Which apparently hurt Regina. Somehow I don’t think it’s a coincidence…

Emma and Regina get caught in the fire.
Emma and Regina get caught in the fire

Of course, it’s true that he ran. 13-year-old kid, you don’t understand war. And I paused this episode for like 30 minutes to do other work as I’m just not into it. It’s not really the kick butt mid-season opener I need. Instead, it seems really obvious.

Regina, you’re one of those people who thinks the worse. Like that time I thanked someone, and they thought I did it as a business move.

Though we found out that Mr. Gold set the fire. Can we say duh? This episode is an entire duh episode. Wow, he even plays the Henry card.

David works with puppies. Snow doesn’t have a little sexual tension aggressive to staple away.

Awe. This is why I’m so not into this whole child plot. Making sure that he has a hero in his life.

Emma's perfectly lighted. Like she's in a TV show or something.
Emmas perfectly lighted Like shes in a TV show or something

Okay, Rumpelstiltskin might’ve gotten played. Beggar is so the Dark One (or whatever his name was). And putting doubts of paternity. Dudes put way too much weight on if the kid’s actually theirs. Totally got played.

So there’s a magic knife that can control Rumpelstiltskin. Perhaps the only interesting (though obvious) outcome of this episode.

Telling the truth gave Henry back his hope. Everyone likes that Emma stands up to the villains. And now the “Dark One” is going to lose the love of his kid. Figures. But kids don’t belong to you. They’re yours, but you don’t own them because you don’t own people.

They're just holding out for a hero.
Theyre just holding out for a hero

Once Upon a Time 1×09 “True North”

I vote for more comic books on this show.
I vote for more comic books on this show

So Henry flirts with a girl who has a brother who looks a lot like him. And the kids are completely Hansel and Gretel.

Hansel and Gretel: Obvious to All Viewers
Hansel and Gretel obvious to all viewers

I’m enjoying Gretel and her willingness of pick up an axe and start chopping down trees. That actor playing the father/woodsman looks extremely familiar… OMG, it’s Krycek. That’s right, Gretel is in charge. Daddy is gone, and somehow I think there’s more to this story than the typical stepmother situation. Or at least I’d hope so. We have enough problems with the adopted kids so far.

In the forest without their breadcrumbs.
In the forest without their breadcrumbs

Instead, it’s Regina.

Oh, Emma, she just has a big heart. Unlike Regina and her totally awesome outfit. The leather and the purple, I want it. Even with the odd mullet shirt over the leather pants with the mini-skirt attachment. I guess that’s better than leggings as pants.

Regina and her fabulous witch hat
Regina and her fabulous witch hat

Like parents don’t look outside when their kids come home in a police car. I’m supposed to believe that Emma is that stupid. Nope. Why are the kids living in the basement? The fact that no one noticed there were homeless children kind of says something about Henry’s belief about the curse. I mean, we viewers know more about Regina’s powers, but this might be a little odder.

Wow, keeping children away from their father is like a super jerky move there, Regina. And Emma’s the only one who can leave Storybrooke. Except that time she didn’t. Or can Regina lift the spell just enough? I mean, Rumpelstiltskin did have to leave to get Henry.

Because she eats children! Oh, come on, it has to be made of sugar and she has to eat children.

That’s some bad CGI right there. It doesn’t even look like candy. Maybe Candy Land.

Look, children, come play Candy Land IRL.
Look children come play Candy Land IRL

How many volumes is Henry’s book? There seriously can’t be that many stories in that book. Maybe Henry has a secret compendium or the book is like a TARDIS, bigger on the inside. Oooh, I had wondered when Henry was going to ask about his father. Wow, the story of Henry’s father is way tragic. I’d complain about the lack of pumpkin pie too.

This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.
This is the crack team that foils my every plan I am deeply shamed

Gross, that house so doesn’t look edible. Those those cupcakes look like every other week at my work. Oh, Hansel, boys just can’t keep their hands out of the sweets, and now the witch is awake. It’s Emma Caulfield! Did someone just raid all my favorite actors to play the evil witches? Win.

They pretty much recreated the inside of my work. (Just kidding!)
They pretty much recreated the inside of my work Just kidding
Emma Caulfield is basically the best. When's the episode where all the witches hang out?
Emma Caulfield is basically the best Whens the episode where all the witches hang out

Of course, Mr. Gold sold the watch to Hansel and Gretel’s father, and he wants something from her. And we find out that he always remembers names.

That is the Woodsman, also known as Michael. Let me guess, he’s going to touch the watch and start remembering some kind of affection for his children. (Mom was a thief?) This is a little self-righteous speech. Also, they would only find him if Emma told them.

Oooh, this means that Henry’s father is totally going to come to Storybrooke…

Poor blind witch, she just wants some food. I mean, sugar is not good for your teeth at all. She seriously didn’t put a spell on her oven, and Regina helped out a little with the fire. And also admitted that she eats children too.

But really who doesn't eat children when they ruin your plans.
But really who doesnt eat children when they ruin your plans
Saddened to see her shoved in the oven so soon.
Saddened to see her shoved in the oven so soon

The poisoned apple. And Regina wants to adopt them? Gretel is so not down with that. Oh, Hansel might if she has cupcakes.

Well, Emma’s car dying isn’t as dramatic as the entire car crash. Guess who we’ll have to call? The Woodcutter/Michael. Don’t worry, Krycek, your boyfriend Mulder will believe that you were kidnapped by an evil queen. But he might think she’s an alien.

Michael finds his children.
Michael finds his children

Let me guess, she put them on opposite sides of fairytale land.

So Emma did this on purpose? I still think we need a story about adopted children or step-children who love their parents. It’s not entirely true that everyone will automatically love their children just because they’re blood-related. Oh, I know, silly happy ending.

I wondered when Emma was going to tell Snow that Henry thinks she’s her mom. And how she’d react.

Mother-daughter time.
Mother daughter time

Who comes into town? Henry’s father, right? A mysterious stranger?

Who's this new stranger?
Whos this new stranger

Once Upon a Time 1×10 “7:15 A.M.”

The worst coffee dates ever.
The worst coffee dates ever

Oh, Henry’s the little investigative journalist of Storybrooke trying to figure out who the stranger is. The stranger with a mission. “A storm’s coming.” Wow, that’s a little literal there, writers.

Mary’s in a hurray today. The kids are making a volcano. Baking soda and vinegar are the best ever, and for cleaning your sink, which you can do anytime so isn’t that awesome. And it turns out that Mary’s actually a stalker of James. Apes? What kind of animal shelter is that?

Emma’s so nosy and calling her mom a stalker. Which she so is. No magic cures for love.

I love that Red delivers food to Snow and that she owns a diner in Storybrooke. Red’s cape is so awesome. Does that mean Snow helped take down the Big Bad Wolf? That would be amazing and is a story I can get behind.

Just being awesome.
Just being awesome

Rumpelstiltskin is really hamming it up this episode. And whomever put on his sparkly makeup decided to go overboard.

Into the sparkles and the fog machines.
Into the sparkles and the fog machines

And James’ wife might be pregnant. Is Regina like eagle eye for everyone?

King George isn’t Linwood from Angel; he’s Bradford Meade from Ugly Betty, where he too played a shitty dad. Oh, old white dudes, you all look alike. I wish that I had some birds to deliver my messages. My messages right to another dimension. Also the pigeon wasn’t really wrapped up that much in the netting. And the dove is now a metaphor for James and Snow. The story is far too literal.

King George is also bored with the literalness of this plot.
King George is also bored with the literalness of this plot
Pigeon. I mean, dove. I mean, pigeon.
Pigeon I mean dove I mean pigeon

For a second, Regina through Emma believes in the curse and knows she’s responsible. Hahaha. And Regina just played the Henry card.

Regina makes everyone's business her business. Micro manage much?
Regina makes everyones business her business Micro manage much

Can you get that purple monster fur at the Joanne’s Fabrics in fairy tale land, Snow? Two days time is really not very long to get across all of the fairy tale world. Especially since Snow has a bounty on her head. Really, Snow’s fabric choices in fairy tale land are just exquisite.

So Snow went all the way there just to hide when she saw James and then get put into prison… Snow meets the first of the seven dwarves: Grumpy. Stealthy and his sleeping gas, win. Best change in the dwarves pattern.

Behind bars.
Behind bars

What’s with this dangerous woods everyone keeps going into? Good thing David’s there to save her.

Oh, shit, Stealthy just got an arrow to the chest. And Grumpy’s going to die for her too. Dang.

Apparently, King George feeds his soldiers well. Too many donuts.
Apparently King George feeds his soldiers well Too many donuts

And Once Upon a Time just became part of the Canadian Shack-a-thon… This is definitely going to end with some smooches.

We're in a random shack in the woods, and this isn't a due South fanfic.
Were in a random shack in the woods and this isnt a due South fanfic

The wife being pregnant thing just came in. In time for them not to kiss. Not a good Canadian Shack fic.

Did this just all Literals on us? Are they going to start having the Writer literally pen new stories for Storybrooke?

Okay, now that’s a dove. I know my birds, and the first one was definitely a pigeon.

David just said he has memories of feelings for Katherine and real feelings for Mary Margaret…I think those are different things.

Yes, King George, Snow poisoned the kingdom on purpose. And you’re a jerk who’s just content on throwing away fake sons. Snow obviously gave him something in that note. More than just returning his love letter. Snow doesn’t give up when people threaten to kill her.

Katherine’s not pregnant, and she might break up with David. Or instead, they’re going to go downstairs and have breakfast in their own kitchen.

I’m glad Grumpy stopped Snow from drinking that elixir. “I need my pain. I makes me who I am. It makes me grumpy.” Awesome meta there, Grumpy. Yep, just a tad literal this episode.

Snow and her fellows.
Snow and her fellows

James is super determined to find Snow. He even left Abigail, and Snow took the elixir…

No matter what, they always run into each other. Kissing in the public square is never a good idea, especially when Regina’s watching you. Seriously, she’s better than a CCTV camera.

Once Upon a Time 1×11 “Fruit of the Poisonous Tree”

Yeah, I could’ve called Regina knowing about the castle and where he’s hiding his book. “People can get hurt.” Foreshadowing much.

Ooh, Mary’s keeping the secret from Emma about David.

The diner is the place for obvious secrets.
The diner is the place for obvious secrets

Oh, Sydney, he’s not very happy. I can’t wait to discover what the truth about Regina is and what he actually knows. Especially if it’s anything supernatural. Which it’s probably not.

Sydney has his unhappy face.
Sydney has his unhappy face

Interesting, Sydney was a genie. Who finally met someone who made a wish for him. Aw, he has a hunt for true love. This king guy looks familiar; I want to say that he played someone evil somewhere. Haha, no, he was just Toby from the West Wing. I take it this was before Regina was evil.

This genie just won the lottery!
This genie just won the lottery
All's well, ends well. Except this is only the start of the episode.
Alls well ends well Except this is only the start of the episode

Mary’s feeling kind of guilty, which always makes me wonder just who’s watching.

Forbidden love in the forest.
Forbidden love in the forest

$50,000 out of a small town’s budget is quite a bit of money.

So Regina was totally jealous of King Leopold’s affection for his daughter or his dead wife, Snow’s mother. Awe, Sydney was really sweet to her.

Some obvious mirror foreshadowing, but sweet nonetheless.
Some obvious mirror foreshadowing but sweet nonetheless

Mary’s self-identifying with their plotting a little too much. There seems to be a little more information they could dig up. Hee. Emma’s finally getting a little more awesome. I figured her “play by the rules” face wouldn’t last very long.

Dude, King Leopold should know better than to read Regina’s diary. That’s just a bunch of bullshit. Also there’s no way Leopold is that fucking stupid. He completely saw Sydney hold it.

If only they had feminism and didn't look at women, especially wives, as property. Fairy tale fail.
If only they had feminism and didnt look at women especially wives as property Fairy tale fail

In the woods on a stormy night they go to spy on the mayor. Emergency break, sheriff. Good thing Sydney’s a car expert to tell it was snapped…

Leopold is a totally dick. (Though I do think it would be interesting to see this from Snow’s point-of-view.)

I don’t know how exactly Regina has enough time to run the entire city. Because no one believed that story about some kids.

Regina was going to kill herself? That’s pretty drastic. Also, I can’t believe she doesn’t have an ounce of happiness if she happened to fall in love. Sydney killed Leopold?

We got snakes in a box! In a motherfucking box.
We got snakes in a box In a motherfucking box

The writer guy is completely barking up the wrong tree for information.

She’s building a playhouse. This is pretty good. Also odd that she’d be recreating the castle. Though perhaps she’s recreating it to channel some kind of power through it. Though why would you put a kid’s playhouse all the way out in the woods.

Emma may have found the keys to the kingdom. But she doesn't have all the answers.
Emma may have found the keys to the kingdom But she doesnt have all the answers

Okay, creepy snakes crawling under covers makes this normally not scared of snakes gal freak out a little bit. Where did they go? And Leopold was still a dick in death.

King Leopold is dead.
King Leopold is dead

Of course, Regina played the Henry card. Which is why Emma needed to play it clean.

I’m not sure that play-structure looks very safe. They can be apart so we don’t have to have little children as main characters for a bit. I’m completely cool with that.

The new playground is more modern than the last one.
The new playground is more modern than the last one
And the adults be drinking.
And the adults be drinking

The writer dude has the book? Twist I didn’t see coming.

And this whole story keeps getting more ridiculous. Especially since Regina’s the queen, and I’m pretty sure she can order a stay of execution. So then what the heck is wrong with Regina? Sydney knows better than to make wishes. Dumb idea.

Okay, why is Sydney still working for Regina? Are we just supposed to know that he’s a complete sucker for her?

Mirror, mirror. Perhaps he just doesn't want to be trapped again if the magic comes back.
Mirror mirror Perhaps he just doesnt want to be trapped again if the magic comes back

Once Upon a Time 1×12 “Skin Deep”

We're playing Risk. While LARPing.
Were playing Risk While LARPing

Interesting that we’re starting off in fairy tale land. Oh, they’re trying to keep away Rumpelstiltskin or call on him for help. He only likes children, dude. Or apparently, a wife in this case. I’m liking that someone is saying “no” to him. Oh, wait. The princess is going to be all noble. Though I like that she wants to decide her own fate. It’s Belle! OMG, this is a fun twist on Beauty and the Beast! I’m kind of enjoying it. (As much as one can of the Stockholm Syndrome tale.) Gaston’s also a much nicer guy here than in the Disney cartoon.

He's here not to steal your children for once.
Hes here not to steal your children for once

I take it this is the very special Valentine’s Day episode? Mr. Gold hating love. I do love his John Lennon glasses.

These flowers annoy me. I abhor them. Let me kneecap you.
These flowers annoy me I abhor them Let me kneecap you

Awe, it’s so cute that Mary Margaret is giving Emma updates about Henry. Life ain’t so shiny for Ashley and her newborn. Though I totally support the girls night. Especially if it involves lots of liquor and gossip.

We're dating. We're not dating. We're just badly not dating.
Were dating Were not dating Were just badly not dating

Who’d break into Mr. Gold’s house?

The whole thing about skinning children, hilarious. No, seriously, that was a good joke for someone who’s supposedly evil. Clearly, Mr. Gold has some knowledge of the “real world” as he called his dungeon “Europe.”

Nice play there, Emma. Though Mr. Gold does tend to run his business like the one-man mob.

Hahaha. Oh, this is ridiculous in that fairy tale way about warming one’s heart. Belle’s even wearing the silly dress.

This thing better not talk like the Disney movie.
This thing better not talk like the Disney movie

“There’s something missing.” I wonder what this is. Is Belle locked in that house too?

Belle’s about as good of a talker as Rumpelstiltskin. Well, Gaston was ridiculous in any ‘verse. I’m kind of loving Belle and her feminism and her drive to see the world. Good thing she is a hero now. Even if she just cut the rose he was turned into. Though this is still a bit of a Stockholm story.

Just gaze into the soft lighting of Stockholm.
Just gaze into the soft lighting of Stockholm

Interesting that he essentially lets her go.

Oh, Ruby, you are so crazy. Poor Mary and Cinderella… That’s really not what girls’ night is.

Where's the debauchery?
Wheres the debauchery

Mr. Gold is buying rope and duct tape. He found Mr. French. Sucks for Mr. French. Though he should know to be nicer since Emma will put him away.

Of course, Regina shows up. “I would never suggest a young woman to kiss a man who held her captive. What kind of message is that?” Excellent lamp shade hanging there, show. I greatly appreciate this given the creepy nature of Beauty and the Beast. Interesting though how much Regina hangs on a true love kiss.

Regina uses the powers of feminism for evil.
Regina uses the powers of feminism for evil

Rumpelstiltskin hangs out by the window just watching for her. Creepy. But not surprising. Regina changed her mind. Not that he knows that. Okay, he does now. And he throws his “true love” back into the dungeon. I guess there won’t be any animated teacups and teapots.

One kiss and the patriarch loses his powers.
One kiss and the patriarch loses his powers
And the lady gets locked away. She also probably can't vote or get birth control.
And the lady gets locked away She also probably cant vote or get birth control

Oh, Mary Margaret and Ashely connecting with each other on a silly level. Good thing Sean showed up with roses and a ring. Normally, I’m not for public proposals, but we all know she wanted this to happen beforehand. Now Mary Margaret is there to drown in her own sorrows. Except there’s David suddenly. He is going to leave his wife, right? I guess not. Or he just needs to get up the courage to break up with his wife. Not rocket science.

Public proposals are still creepy.
Public proposals are still creepy

Yeah, Mr. Gold, you should’ve expected for her to arrest you. Emma doesn’t let those things slide.

Emma's all smug. Smuggy McSmugger Pants.
Emmas all smug Smuggy McSmugger Pants

I love Belle. She’s super awesome. As are the twists on her story.

Regina plays the system here. Ah, Regina has what Rumpelstiltskin wants. Of course, she does. Regina’s trying to figure out how much Mr. Gold knows about his past. Emma better have cameras going on in there. And yes, we have confirmation that he knows. It’s the chipped cup.

I don't think Mr. Gold will be behind bars for very long. That's just not how he rolls.
I dont think Mr Gold will be behind bars for very long Thats just not how he rolls

Heee. I love the Little Mermaid throwaway line. So Belle’s dad is Mr. French, and she really did kills herself. Wow, that’s a sucky way to end. If what Regina said is true. Of course, Belle could be in the emergency care. Regina sure keeps a lot of people hidden in that hospital. Creepy.

0_0 Just locking people up.

Just so smug about our prisoners. Of course, Regina's just all about the power.
Just so smug about our prisoners Of course Reginas just all about the power
Belle's alive!
Belles alive

Watch for yourself. Buy Once Upon a Time: The Complete First Season.

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