True Blood 4×08 Spellbound TV Review

Sookie and Eric go to Narnia
Sookie and Eric go to Narnia. Naked Narnia. CS Lewis is turning in his grave.

A few days late as wow, I haven’t even had time to watch the episode. What?! I’m incredibly tired so I hope this is more coherent than I feel right now. Well, I feel better than Beulah, Maxine’s neighbor.

Live blogging ahoy!

As much as I totally hate the damsel-in-distress, I am 100% on board with Jason saving Jessica. I think it really helps that Antonia/Marnie’s spell’s effects would happen to any vampire, regardless of gender, and it’s not specifically something Jessica’s troubled with due to being a woman. Also, Jason never really thinks anything through. But his timing is great.

Bill must’ve passed down some ‘be attracted to Stackhouses’ gene. Oh, come on, Bill would’ve known better if she died. Why don’t you unwrap, daddy? (Oh, it’s still daytime…) Oh, Jason, you say the dumbest things, and Bill wants you to shut the fuck up. That’s his nice way of saying it. I love Bill and Jason negotiating. But Bill wins this round. (Truthfully, he’d probably win every round.)

Jason puts chains on Jessica
'I'm thinking of bbq, and I don't know why.'

Is this pack leader Marcus straight from a ’70s rockband? Why do you gotta be so trashy, werewolves? Alcide and his flipped up collar are so much classier than you. (Are flipped up collars coming in style? Sherlock, Alcide, that half-collar on Project Runway…)

Oh Sam, the harder that a woman pushes him away the more he stays. Like a puppy.

Eric likes when you yank it, Sookie. Lamest setup to get Eric to drink from Sookie. “There is no one.” “There’s me.” Sookie’s got a brass knuckle of silver. You know, Eric could’ve made this a little nicer for her. What’s with all this Biblical shit? Becoming one. Vomit.

Sookie drinks Eric's blood
Yes, Sookie, suck it. Suck it. <-- too easy

Is that Viking skull Eric’s parents?

Oh, Jessica, she’s been reading Dear Sugar. When you feel like going, you have to go. Hoyt’s breakdown is breaking my heart too and Jessica’s teenage tolerance. OMGWTF just happened! Oh, dream sequence. Jessica wants to call Jason “daddy.” Ew.

The inside of Andy’s head, scary. Jason probably did his best not listening. Of course, Maxine is getting her 15 minutes of fame on the local news. Oh, Bill, you are such a politician and using his vampire charm. Maxine’s smells something’s wrong.

Oh, Eric’s ass. I wish I found Anna Paquin attractive. It would make these scenes better. Oh stupid faery world.

I love how pissed off Antonia is about modern vampires. She’s a religious nut. I have to give kudos to this actor and how much she changes her moods, movements, and voice from Marnie to Antonia. Wait, Ball, why is Antonia talking about a single God? Isn’t she supposed to be a witch?

“I taught you in Vacation Bible School” — Maxine is winning tonight.

Maxine takes a photo of Beaulah's remains
Maxine is like Nancy Drew...of dead vampires.

Ewww…Tommy’s going to skinwalk as Maxine to get her money. Oh, I vomited a lot in my mouth.

Oh, Debbie just found out that the pack leader’s single. And then they’re all getting alpha male. Debbie and her issues.

Alcide and Debbie
Alcide and Debbie both have one thing on their minds...Sookie.

I thought Eric and Sookie would never stopping having sex like that episode of Buffy. Though I do like the set design in the white bed and snow-filled place with strategically placed sheets. Narnia for adults.

Sookie and Eric in bed
Wow, the fur goes all the way to Eric's knees... <-- too easy again

I love Terry’s rearview mirror. I have one of those at my desk; they’re helpful. Terry just needs to call the medium. Good thing they work together. Though I am glad that it’s not Renee’s spirit.

Also the actor playing Tommy as Maxine is brilliant; she is getting all the good lines. And Tommy trying to “sweeten the deal.” Hilarious.

Tommy pretends to be Maxine
Arlene's not getting tipped tonight.

Hoyt is not as broken as Jessica seems to think he is. And Hoyt is being such a dick: eternal virginity, daylight, and children. And death. Wow, that was way too real. Those are the things you say to someone when they rip your heart open.

I’m glad Eric’s butt broke it up. Made me feel better. Eric’s manboob looks a little weird in this scene. Oh, how Sookie’s still in love with Bill. “I am human, mostly.” For the first time, I really feel like the Harris did a better job with writing Eric sans memory than Ball and staff.

OMG, Marcus is Luna’s daughter’s daddy!

Debbie’s still going on about Sookie. Apparently, Sookie is part of your baggage, Debbie. Obviously, I foresee Alcide breaking said promise.

Is that a Snuggie, Lafayette? Snuggies clearly bring some bad dreams and spirit possessions. Think they’ll market that? For only $9.99, you can get a Snuggie and for free, we’ll throw in an angry spirit from beyond. Looks like someone should’ve stayed in Mexico and learned to control his powers. Good thing Mexico’s only like a 15 minute drive from Bon Temps. (Oh, wait, this is totally like that one time Wonder Woman runs to Mexico from the Candy Ranch near Fort Worth, TX with Etta on her back.)

Bill’s got on the kevlar. And why is Sookie dressed like she’s a Jehovah’s Witness? Yes, Sookie finally expresses her agency and plans on using her powers. I approve of this storyline. (Even if she doesn’t know how her powers work or can control them.) “My…Bill.”

Called it. Yes, Marcus, be a bad dad and don’t play Barbies. (Also, clearly Alcide’s going to end up pack leader or something.)

Jason’s actually saying something logical for once. Of course, now Jessica’s been rejected by all the men in her life except for her vampire daddy. Poor girl’s having a bad day.

But not as bad as Lafeytte’s.

Wow, this scene pulls from Buffy the Vampire Slayer a lot. In the cemetery at midnight. I love Holly in the background with her silver platter. She better hope that’s real. Did Eric just kill her?

Pam versus Tara. But I like them both! King Bill, I approve of your command to Pam about not killing Tara. Yeah, he knows that Sookie would never forgive him if Tara died. Or he’s making up for the time he let Tara be raped and tortured. But my money’s on Sookie as motivation.

Bill stops Pam from killing Tara
Pam just doesn't get to have any fun these days.

Alcide to the rescue with Debbie following him. He’s going to save Sookie. Hey, too bad Eric killed your fairy godmother, Sookie.

Oh, Bill and Eric are so out of their depths. At least Eric has a real excuse for being Antonia’s pet. Yes, Antonia, we all want our own Eric pet.

Marnie/Antonia makes Eric her puppet
Work those puppet strings! Make him dance, make him wear horrible teal and pink spandex like in the books. Make him take you to sexy Narnia.

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