True Blood 4×12 “And When I Die” TV Review

And the last of my True Blood reviews for Season 4 that I did pre-GeekGirlCon.

For some reason, I thought this season had more episodes than 12. Huh.

Jesus makes breakfast and gives Lafayette a massage.
Pretty much after he's won the award for the best boyfriend in the world, you know Jesus is doomed.

Marnie apparently hates kisses from Jesus. How sad it that? Also doesn’t Jesus notice something’s up when Lafayette isn’t be all chatty? Yeah, PTSD, blah, blah, blah. But seriously. Also Jesus is giving a massage when he had to cut his arm open, doesn’t that hurt?

Good to know that Sookie still thinks of her grandma sometimes. You’d hope they’d be better memories. Oh, Tara, that was a good comment about Gran. But it is nice for Tara and Sookie to have a conversation like they’re friends who actually care about each other. Awe.

Sookie
Sookie takes some time to think about others. Just a fraction of a second.

Sam’s totally just figuring out what Tommy did and how he shifted into Maxine. Though I do have to say that Maxine has some nice insights about Tommy, and she totally keeps looking for a new son. Isn’t Sam lucky? Looks like Luna isn’t too mad about Sam killing Marcus.

Sam and Maxine at Tommy's funeral
Sam and Maxine meet for Tommy's funeral. Weirdest insightful conversation ever.

And now Jason’s going to break Hoyt’s heart? “Did someone die?” Oh, Hoyt. At least Jason has enough brains to ask Hoyt to put down the chainsaw. I love how Hoyt’s first reaction is to laugh with disbelief. “How?” Yeah, I saw Hoyt punching him. Jason deserved that; he’s a dumb fuck.

Jason
Jason is down for the count.

Poor Jesus and now he’s hitting the nerves of a crazy woman. This is some good acting right here.

Yeah, I can see why Sookie isn’t really big on the Halloween spirit. But Arlene and Terry are kind of adorable zombies. “Zombies are the new vampires.” Nice comment on pop culture there, Ball.

Arlene and Terry as zombies
Arelene and Terry know that zombies aren't as cool as vampires. Sorry, Walking Dead.

“Nobody likes an angry bunny.” Win.

Oooh, rituals always get a little complicated. “You can’t trade magic like fucking Pokemon cards” — kind of awesome. (Though my Jason said this was too much of a dated reference. Kids still play Pokemon, right?) Yes, the way to break Jesus is through his heart. Marnie claimed that Jesus was mean when he said she only wanted to talk to the dead because she had no friends, but the truth hurts. Especially when Jesus tried to be her friend and look at what she’s doing to him. So Lafayette’s demon-face is just going to look like a mask to everyone. Also Jesus better not die!

Yes, Sam, I’d ask Lisa the same thing. Hmmm…Terry’s army buddy…

New guy
And the new guy shows up. Looks it's Teddy's husband from Grey's Anatomy; no wonder they killed him off...

Pretty sure Alcide is talking about your boobies, Sookie, not your ears. Alcide can see clearly now that Debbie’s gone.

Alcide
Alcide makes one last dive for Sookie's pants.

Tara, you’re supposed to call 911 first. Oh, shit, they killed Jesus. Not cool.

“Ain’t nothing scary about faeries.” Also, I feel like everyone has been explaining Samhain this entire episode, and it would’ve been much easier to just have Holly (the pagan) explain it to Sookie (the non-pagan) to get everyone (the audience) on track.

Holly and Sookie
At least we know that Holly isn't an evil faery. Sookie might be though.

Bill and Eric are chained together, and they’re not sacrificing either of their children. “I liked you better when you were brain-damaged.” At least she’s killing them while shirtless. Were they having sex without Sookie?

Eric and Bill chained together
Eric and Bill are chained together like in Sookie's fantasy. (Okay, we may not be talking about Sookie's fantasy here...)

Good thing that Sookie lives on the edge of a cemetery. And Antonia and Adele aren’t letting Marnie cause anymore trouble. Oh, Adele, giving the tough love even after she’s dead.

Adele
Apparently, when you die, you have to wear the clothes that you died in for ETERNITY. I'm packing my whole wardrobe, thank you very much.

Oh, Eric, of course you’re the one who’s interrupting all the touching moments; are you’re uncomfortable?

I think the whole thing with Renee is a red herring.

Speaking of red, oh look, it’s Jessica. I love her cape. Also didn’t she feel that Bill was in pain? I mean, Pam was ordered to leave Eric so that’s understandable. Jason and his popsicle. Jessica is just a young vampire looking to get laid.

“I’m so over Sookie and her fairy vagina and her stupid name.” — Poor Pam. Accepting hugs from Ginger.

Ginger hugs Pam
You know life sucks when you have to hug Ginger.

So glad that they took Lafayette to Sookie’s house instead of making him go home.

And Sookie gets her boys. Sookie, didn’t you have your dream where you found your solace in your threesome? Instead, she’s totally dumping both of them. She does know that it’s a modern world, and she can have two boyfriends, right?

Bill and Eric get dumped
Those robes are not very flattering. No wonder Sookie dumped both of you.

Now that was just a sad scene between ghost!Jesus and Lafayette.

By God, you mean Alan Ball there, Luna. And there’s a wolf.

Oh, Jason Stackhouse, he knows how to charm the panties off even a vampire. Yep, that’s Hoyt at his door. Or maybe Crystal. Or someone turned Steve Newlin into a vampire, who’s clearly in lurve with Jason!

Steve Newlin
Seems Steve found a lot more about himself than his new set of fangs.

Someone dug Russell Edgington up. “Hello, Nan and gay Storm Troopers.” Eric and Bill are totally leaning on each other for comfort. Nan got terminated, and now she’s not going to die. They’re now going to play mutiny. Oh this will make for an interesting next season. They totally are bluffing, Nan. “We are not fucking puppy dogs.” Apparently, that’s how you piss off Bill.

Oh, I knew Ball would have to do the Debbie with a shot gun in Sookie’s kitchen. Please say that Tara’s not dead. But Debbie’s not coming back. Wow, wtf, body count. (I bet Tara gets turned by the somebody’s across the graveyard. Ooh, if it’s Eric, that could be a pretty hilariously ironic plot for Pam.)

Sookie kills Debbie
Never underestimate Sookie.

I so don’t approve that Jesus is dead.

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