Sensation Comics #7 was one long milk ad. I was pretty sure I’d see a milk-mustached Wonder Woman at the end of this.
Interestingly enough, expect for stopping some robbers in the first issue, this is the first time Diana’s gone on a mission for civilians.
On her way to meet stay with a friend in Baltimore, Diana goes missing. What actually happens is she stops to buy milk for a poor woman and her little girl. The woman tells Diana that her son died of malnourishment, and soon her daughter will join him because she hasn’t had milk in weeks. The price of milk has skyrocketed for no reason and they can’t afford it anymore.
The culprit is the International Milk Company. Which is run by a dead woman. That’s right, Baroness Paula’s back among the living. (Steve reports she was supposedly electrocuted in prison, making it clear Wonder Woman served as her prison transport guard, not jailer as the last comic suggested.)
Diana falls down a trapdoor and is tied up. She’s then willingly “drowned” in a milk truck. But not before breaking her bonds in a milk bath and changing into her costume.
My favorite part is when Wonder Woman punches a hole in the side of the truck, causing milk to spill all over the road and hundreds of cats chase the truck for milk. Adorable.
After disabling Paula’s goons with her lasso, Wonder Woman throws an International Milk Company is starving children parade/demonstration.
Seriously. Paula gets pissed she doesn’t get to ride the pony down the streets of DC. I mean, she sends her goons to capture Wonder Woman, who let’s herself be tied up again. You see, Paula thinks Wonder Woman looses all her powers when chained up, not realizing it’s only when chains are weld to her bracelets, and Wonder Woman plays her for a fool.
Paula tells us all about her evil plans. How she escaped death with her own electro-device to bring herself back to life. And how by driving up milk prices, she starve and weaken Americans so in 20 years, strong German youth can easy overtake American youth. (Yes, Marston was probably unaware of the lactose-intolerant.) Even Wonder Woman mocks her for weak, silly plans considering she used to actually try to blow up people.
Diana get away and disables another bomb off-screen. She then goes to join the fight back at the milk warehouse where Beeta Lambda and Steve have shown up to stop Paula. Wonder Woman arrives just in time to stop Paula from shooting Steve in the back.
It ends with a lassoed Paula writing her confession and Wonder Woman posing for a milk ad:
Just one big milk ad. Milk for children. Do think of the children.
This reminds me of The Christmas Story scene when Ralphie is deciphering the code left by Little Orphan Annie and it reads “Drink More Ovaltine.”
At least Wonder Woman was pushing something relatively healthy and wholesome.
@Mindy C — Yes, milk is much better than Ovaltine. *shudders*